hurt me once, twice and many more

I'd start of with
I'm sorry
..though i have really no idea why I'm apologizing.

However, this would be the last time I am going to apologize when i never did anything at all. I'm sick of always asking whether people are mad at me or whether it's me. Yes, i do that and no, i didn't copy people. I'm like that by nature and so are the others. Anyway, as i was saying, I plan to chuck away that awful habit i incurred. If people choose to see me as the 'bad' guy, without taking my side of the story, then fine. I've done some thinking during this weekend, and I've thought it through. I don't get to live twice, so I better stop brooding of things that i have no control of and i better stop being so desperate and such. I've chosen to move on and be that strong person i claim to be.

I don't want to be this coward, that i am now. A friend said that I'm just finding myself now, that's why I'm in such a wreck. That friend, might be right. btw, i'm thankful towards her, she was there when i needed someone to cry to. If she wasn't, i'd probably have fallen into this pit of sadness i made myself. thanks again.

Yes, on Friday, I was depressed. Things, too personal to put in here.
I gave out bucketful of tears that day - when i reached home, let it flow on that cold hard floor i lay on while i cried. I think that was the first i cried so much about such matters. I may not have much friends in school, but I'm just 17, there are people that told me there were others that would come by in the future. I have to believe that, and move on and not care much about it.

Just a thing bothers me so much, I have no idea what i did to make such dislike me so. Then again, I think I would rather stay in this deluded world i created for myself so i wouldn't hurt further.

No, I am most certainly not trying to gain any pity. I am not that type, but only someone who bothers to understand me would get that to their head. I'll be good and forget it, there are others.

***

On a happier note because I'm not this depressed-moody bitch all the time,
I went to a dinner party with my parents, Bernadette and Girly. I enjoyed it and managed to forget my problem, until of course, I had to wait for the food to arrive.


Ugh, kill me.